In Response to Wong's Response to My Ode To Wong: Alternate Version:

Your move.

Ode to Wong: Alternate Version

Geoff, i think she's trying to tell you something...

EDIT: If only that "e" was an "a" and that "a" was an "o" in track 3...

Why Pokemon Should Replace Health Education In Schools

64% of the American population is classified as Obese. Worldwide over 1 billion people are put down in the "you fat bastard" column. In essence, almost 1/6th of the world are fatties. Maybe if they watched a bit more Pokemon they might shed some pounds, go outside and make some friends.

You may be asking yourself, why is Pokemon the answer to all our health needs. If you are, you are an imbecile. Its plainly obvious. Pokemon promotes exercise, the outdoors and girls who wear short-shorts (a topic for another time, "Why Misty is a massive whore and why she will end up with crack-babies").

People, they're called Pokemon TRAINERS. And who do they train? Pokemon. Whats the show called? Pokemon. Small children will want to be like Ash and that little kid whos name I forget because I lost interest after it started getting weird. Hence they will wait to train "pokemon", running around yelling at little-er children to fly and swim up waterfalls and shoot hyper beams out of their faces and whatnot. They will be collectively exercising. Have you ever seen a fat trainer? no. So as the child runs around training his imaginary friends he'll be simultaneously keeping himself fit, and we'll end up with millions of little buff kids who punch old ladies when their ball goes into their backyard and the lady is all up in their shit like "this is mine now" and the kids like "FUCK YOU" and kicks her in the knee.

Pokemon actively combats obeisity. Whos the fattest pokemon of them all? That dickhead Snorlax. What happens to Snorlax? He gets the crap beaten out of him and then gets trapped in a tiny ball which shoots out red light like its some sort of mini rave. Small children don't like being trapped in small balls (Eddy), contrary to popular belief. Small children also dont like getting the crap kicked out of them by yellow mice and giant rock snakes. The child will not want to end up like Snorlax. They will be encouraged to not be a fat fuck and sleep on roads so people get annoyed and wake them up with a flute that just happens to be the only thing that will wake them up, and not things like punching them in the face or just WALKING AROUND THEM.

Snorlax - Chief Asshole.

So. Why should this riveting franchise which promotes children to run outside and encourages them not to be fat road-blocking assholes replace the current health system?

Simple. The current health system is fucking boring.

Pokemon studies. Preferably on GBA with Pokemon Red, Blue, Gold and Silver; accompinied by eipsodes of the first few seasons of the anime. Children will learn about the advantages of living a healthy lifestyle whilst also being engaged, and also whilst getting to beat the fuck out of imaginary monsters instead of their family pet (or if their pet "went to the farm", the foreign kid at school). Hey, I'm sure theres even a couple of kids that learnt about sex from Pokemon (The "I" and "O" Unown, Jynx (for kids into that). After spending time on the GBA it is taken from them, and they are then released unto the world where they act out their happy lives and dream their dreamy dreams. Albeit there will be a small few who have massive withdrawal syptoms and will have to be carefully weaned off of electronic handheld gaming with electroshock and small amounts of cocaine. But those who are strong of mind and weak of thumbs will be able to rise above it all and become better people.

And then when they get to 15 they'll get bored of Pokemon and lose interest, and thus the cycle is complete. They will move on to other forms of exercise like running from the police and trying to hide their innate fear of peaches by jogging. Pokemon will have carried them through the tough years of childhood and taught them the valued lessons of punching fat lazy people who sleep in roads and running around trapping animals in tiny balls. And all will be well in the world.

We can dream...

Holy Crap

People still use these things?

and in the interest of making this a worthwhile post:

Your welcome.

Why The Universe is Pissed

Thanks alot.

Now this is happening.

Suddenly Brokencyde Don't Seem So Bad Anymore....

And for those unaware of Brokencyde...

Somethings Going On With Avengend Sevenfold

First they pulled out of Soundwave, and now less than 24 hours later they've decided to get rid of Portnoy...


My guess; M. Shadows is a Vampire. Or some sort of mutated Billy Goat who feasts on the blood of humans. The Australian sun would cause him to burst into flames ((vampires hate the sun (that and he would get confused by the mountainous regions in Australia, being a Goat he would wish to return to his natural habitat)), and Mike Portnoy has discovered his secret, and being an outsider of the band, must now be killed.

That or Portnoy's being a tool (or Avenged are having a cry about something) and Soundwave wont let them bring pyro or lasers or pyro lasers onstage.

Either way.

North Korea Launch Attack on South Korea

well.

we're boned.

Also this

When two things of awesome collide

and now the screamed vocals version :]

Community Service, Brought To You By Final Fantasy Online

Undeniable Proof

is so hard to come by these days...

The Greatest Video Game Rage Ever

When Rappers Try To Cash In On Classic Heavy Metal Songs

See if you can guess which song they used.

The Experiment

Problem:

How long can a Metalhead survive without Heavy Metal?

Question:

Can a Metalhead refrain from listening to Heavy Metal for 2 weeks?

Hypothesis:

I predict that the subject will not survive the two weeks, as i think that this is an experiment of futility.

I think this will happen because i know the subject personally, and i know that they listen to music on a daily basis. They are also known to listen to music at every available oppertunity. Because Time Spent Awake = Eating + Music, when Music decreases, and Time Spent Awake stays the same, Eating must increase. This would suggest that the subject will gain mass over the course of the experiment. However, Eating = (Moving x Thinking) + k; therfore when Eating increases, k is a constant and so cannot change, and Moving would not change, therfore the subjects thinking capacity must also increase.

Note: k = the "can i be bothered" constant

Variables:

Uncontrolled:

hearing music without input from subject, incuding other peoples phones, stereos, television, etc.

Controlled:

subjects proximity to music, subjects proximity to access to music, subjects ability to secretly get someone else to play them music.

Variables Measured:

Time taken for subject to give in before they kill themself.

Equipment:

Clock

A Metalhead

Safe to lock musical implements

Diagram Of Setup:

Method:

Step 1 - Set up as shown in diagram.

Step 2 - Remove all musical implements, including MP3, delete all music on phone, refrain from using music on laptop.

Step 3 - record seconds/minutes/days without listening to music in a table

Experiment will begin 3/07/10